Jason called me, Korean guy, little older than me, also a teacher. We go out for the first time to a club in 분당 Bundang (I think) - Star Dom. There's 3 of us - his friend Kim is there, cool guy in army training. Jason didn't tell me on the phone though that we'd be hiring a room for the night - it was that kind of club, very Korean. I was worried this would turn into Shampoo, part 2. But I went ahead inside, knowing it would be an interesting evening.
Jase was hopping around the lobby as we waited for a room to vacate. We were high fiving, Jase adamant we'd 'party like rock stars tonight'.
This couldn't have been further from the truth.
Whilst I have been to a Korean nightclub before, this was my first time staying in one of the 'private rooms' all lined up floors above the cabaret/DJ stage.
That's why I was surprised about the women brought in by the waiter. In groups of 2 of 3 they would come in to an awkward silence and sit next to each of us, sober and perhaps intimated by the lone foreigner in the room, haha.
I supposed the club had a secret room where these women sat and chatted all night with drinks, coming out when required by the establishment to chat with patrons. I thought this was their job - to entertain in an innnocent way and if they were interested, they'd ask for your number, and you'd get a date/a dance/who knows.
This couldn't have been further from the truth.
But these women were definitely in charge, and when my friends failed to impress, they left. I could hardly make conversation, and to be honest I was hardly in honey heaven.
It got to the point that by 1 or 2am, me Jase and Kim were sat sober alone in this little room with an unused karaoke machine and uneaten fruit, empty bottle of whiskey we'd been sharing with the parade of ladies. That is the word, 'parade'. They came so frequently that I just assumed it was their job, and they all had the same customs - singing half a song on the machine, accepting our shots of drink, not wanting to be photographed in any circumstance.
Jase was chain smoking away, wondering where it all went wrong. What a sorry sight we were. For half an hour we debated our options - leave now and cut our losses, or gamble again and hire the room out until 6. Hiring meant more girls, and another expensive bottle of whiskey (a club requirement).
Half an hour we thought about this, half an hour if not more, and in the end we rolled the dice and man, what a dumb idea that was.
By 4AM Jason was passed out. He's 25 and Korean, yet a few gulps of whiskey knocked him out. No soju here. What was sorrier was that he knocked himself out trying to impress an arresting young lady who was actually getting on with him - his unconscious head lolled in her lap and she pushed him off to the far end of the sofa. She had to stay there while Kim chatted up the girl who came in with her, unable to strike chatter with me (also bored out of my mind, reduced to taking snaps on a big Nikon camera that Jase and all Koreans seem to carry around with them).
That was another thing - if you didn't like the girl sat next to you, you had to wait till they/their friend left or all male parties felt the same way as you, calling for the waiter or making some excuse so each 'guest' got the message (who knows what the guys came up with in their mother tongue).
It was either all or nothing. That's why when Kim wound up next to um someone a little portly, he just feigned sleep, opening 1 cheeky eye occasionally to see if she was still there right next to him.
Funny things about the evening -
As the night wore on and time was scarce, Kim came up with the genius idea that if I didn't like a girl next to me, then I should reach out and tap his knee, or Jase's. Yes, very subtle guys, that's a great secret signal.
Secondly, the 2 guys seemed to have a little watchphrase aired in an insecure, almost desperate fashion whenever the girls asked them their age. Immediately after answering they'd look at each other nervously and at me, shouting out together to our captive audience -
'But AGE DOESNT' MATTER IN OUR LIFE!!'
Followed by a few high fives or just the girls looking confused (Jason would insist on using scraps of English to show off his skills....didn't actually impress anyone much!)
Eventually I was chanting this with the guys in unison, AGE DOESN'T MATTER IN OUR LIFE!! But why this was such an issue I didn't get - all these girls were either a little younger or a little older, there was no vast gap. Maybe all the other rooms were rented by middled aged businessmen. Maybe that's why we didn't luck out. Where they got this almost US urban sounding phrase from, I'll never know.
Actually, the funniest thing was how we ended up guarding the second precious bottle of whiskey for the 2nd half of the evening. We had to make that bottle last until 6am dammit so any thirsty girls wouldn't think we were cheap assholes, and any tipsy girls could get tipsier.
We were cheap assholes. And there weren't any tipsy girls.
Every time one of us offered to pour a shot for their respective partner, a deep breath was inhaled around the room and eyebrows were raised, eyes darted, as if mouthing 'easy now easy now' when more than 1 glass was filled for someone who probably wasn't going to hang around that long.
It was absolutely ridiculous and childish, and just summed up the whole evening if not the whole Korean nightclub culture. Just go downstairs and dance to pull girls, not sit in some little room looking like gay hermits.
By 5am our room became my own personal hell on earth. Kim was still talking to the 1 girl left in the room, Jase was passed out, and I was an expensive taxi ride away from home, wherever I was, unsure as to how much I was going to end up paying when the place finally closed.
I kept going downstairs to see the happy dancers, the cabaret theatrics, standing outside the toilet or by the dancefloor, itching for sleep and fresh air, the only white alien.
And that's when I realised how these clubs work. These girls don't sit together in some room, how naive I was to think that. Instead they were also patrons in the club, sitting around in groups until waiters would yank them from their seats or wherever they happened to be walking/standing, taken away to these rooms above despite their protests. Sure, they come to the club knowing this will happen to them, knowing this is what they want, but still I didn't like the idea, and they shouldn't expect to be 'on call' all night, especially when daylight has arrived and it's been a long heavy night.
I'm never going to any kind of club ever again.
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