The Hollys Coffee Incident

You can go to a bar in Korea and have a peaceful time. But be wary you of the coffee chains for they attract most unsavoury characters.

It was a typically cold evening in Gangnam, the night overhead pushing down on the lights of the district, the warm glow of Hollys Coffee welcoming our party within. We'd debated Wa Bar for a while but the place holds too much history for me (private joke #1). Plus the American among us had a coupon card he was desperate to get stamped.

Because tea is sadly as scarce as vodka out here, I opted for a vanilla coffee drink, risky move at 9 in the evening, but I felt dangerous and brave after my hot bowl of tuna & kimchi, a spicy meal which always cauterizes the senses. I really felt ready for anything, even a sleepless night high on caffeine in the blood.

The three of us were discussing Kid Sister when trouble brewed outside of the cups. A drunk had walked in, a local, shouting at the guy attendant who refused to turn around to face the abuse. His female co-worker stood the storm, amazingly calm with a smile professional yet friendly to the point she could have known this bearded guy was just a harmless joke. But the man kept raising his voice and reaching over the counter for the Hollys teen who'd somehow really pissed him off. The manageress would come out and also try to keep the rabble at bay, failing.

Everyone kept chatting as if this was normal. We kept staring, slack jawed. It was an ugly scene as the younger man finally turned round to reply with a cocky smile, stepping out to the swingdoors by the till. Guy then tried to charge through the wall of 2 women.

Finally the cops came. Now, in a society as innocuous as Korea, the cops are a bit of a joke. They've nothing to do except fine jaywalkers. But here was something to deal with, some meat on the bone.

'First time in 5 months I've seen the cops here actually do something' said Steve.

So two of Korea's finest came in. And, er, well they stood around, for some reason listening to this madman's reasoning. They intervened at one point when he again threatened to turn violent. But they mainly just stood around listening, no authority. We kept staring, other customers jabbering and sipping, somehow nonchalant. They eventually escorted the nut out, or tried to, as he turned back around and pushed past them for another tirade. Korea's finest. Eventually he shook hands with the heartthrob attendant to leave peacefully. I believe a failed credit card payment may have been the issue.

Story over, til five minutes before closing time. The guy came back, having duped the police he'd gone home. The girl Holly person shooed him into the smoking area where he sat in the dark alone, chairs having been stacked already. Calmly he smoked, looking down. He was back to finish the job come 12 midnight, get the younger guy outside shift time.

We had to intervene, but we were being kicked out with everyone else.

Walking past the smoking zone, I couldn't let it go. I was too high on my vanilla pod stew.

'Annyongaseyo' I said, hands on hips.

He said the same. My invitation to walk in. He looked up at me.

'Ta ja' i said, let's go.

He laughed and muttered. I took his fag and stubbed it out.

'I said let's go', steely in English, fists pressed against his table, looming over.

Guy laughed, spat Korean in my face.

'What did he say?' I asked my compadres.

'Something about blood, hands on neck. Leave it man, he's gonna kill you' begged Brandon.

I laughed, turning back round to the drunk. I looked in his face and stared and muttered -

'...good luck', and turned away.

He charged up as expected, pushing away the table. I was ready, turning round all punches, slamming him in the gut.

'Meeanhamneeda!' I chortled. Sorry in Hanguel.

The guy doubled back for another shot, hitting me in the jaw. Cut lip. I slammed him into the slide doors of the smoking partition, a kick in the chest for good measure.

'Komapsunida, old boy'. That had done the job.

The Hollys staff were shocked and grateful, but I just kept walking out the building, past the cops, knowing that I'm the police force this country needs. English kindergarten teacher by day, delusional blogger by night.